Angry mom

I hope that I'm not the only mom who struggles (almost on a daily basis) with anger, impatience, discouragement and a whole list of other emotions.  Most of these, Satan uses against me.  It's not a sin to be angry (Matthew 21, Mark 11, and John 2 tell about Jesus' anger with the money changers in the temple)  His sin was justified.  His anger was not selfish.  His anger was not about someone, but about actions and the sinful behavior taking place in the temple.
In Ephesians 4:26 God says "In your anger do not sin."  It doesn't say "don't be angry."  But honestly, in my life, anger is a sin.  My anger is mostly directed at someone and normally because something isn't being done the way I think it should be done.  The kids are arguing, toys aren't put away, it's too loud, the laundry NEVER ends (dishes too) my list can go on and on...
Really though, my anger leads to sin.  I scream and yell (A LOT) and most of the punishment is done in anger.
So, today, in an effort to control the way my emotions get out of control and lead to sin, I have taken a "vow of silence".  I will not be speaking today.  God has lead this decision.  It isn't something that I am doing because I'm tired of hearing myself repeat everything.  I've explained this to my kids and they understand (well, the older two do).
My first reflex to yell - it won't happen.  I have to stop myself and think about a different way to respond.  My prayer in all this is that God will reveal himself to me and show me how to ward off evil.  James 1:19-20 "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's (or mom's :)  ) anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."
I want, no, I desire that my kids see Christ's love through me.  I want them to see it, experience it and in turn, spread it.
On a side note, this may help with our sign language.

Finding hope where it seems hopeless

Today I only want to share a blog post I read recently.  It is a blog that touches my heart in an intimate way, only I am still not ready to share my own story.  Feel free to share in the comments if you are led to and know that I would be more than happy to pray for you!

Find the post here  I pray that this might help; whether you are far from healing, on the road to healing, or have long since forgiven your abuser(s) or you have never been in an abusive situation.  And please pass this on to anyone you might know of that it would bless.

"Now I'm so much happier"

"Mama, mama!!  Looks what I found!"  My son came running and yelling to tell me that he had found a toy that has been misplaced for the past week or so.  He was so excited as he exclaimed, "now I'm so much happier!"  For some reason, this tiny little toy, a McDonald's toy no less, brought him complete happiness.
His exclamation got me to thinking what brings me true joy and happiness in life.  What was lost and then found that has brought me joy?  Jesus Christ and the salvation that he gave to me, that brings me true happiness.  Of course the other things in my life that bring me joy: my husband and my kids, my girlfriends, and my music (I love to sit at my piano and just play).
I love that I have these kids in my life to remind me, ultimately, of the gift of Christ on the cross and that I am a child of God! 
My joy is complete in Christ!
John 15:11

Where do you find happiness and joy?

Stick and stones

"Stick and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."  Did you ever say that as a kid?  I'm pretty sure I said it numerous times, probably to try and convince myself it was true.  Truth was though, words did hurt and they still do.  Even if words are said that have absolutely no intention of coming across as mean, sometimes, they still hurt.  For example, I took my kiddos to play at a McDonalds play place over the weekend.  Bubba had to go to the bathroom when we got there and since we were sitting right outside the bathroom doors, I sent him in alone.  It so happened that someone I know was in there and when she came out stopped to say hi.  She said to me "I thought he looked familiar, he's the only kid with the crazy hair."  We talked for a split second and she went back to her table.  Her comment was not meant as a shot at me as a mother and how I don't groom my kids well (at least I truly hope not) but, it did stick with me.  I was self conscious about my kids hair the rest of the day.  Everywhere we went, I stopped and brushed their hair down with my fingers. 
All weekend I asked God to help rid my mind of these thoughts.  I know that what truly matters is the heart; my heart and my kids hearts.  But I know that I'm not the only one who struggles with this.  I also know that I have probably been on the other end - saying something without harmful intention, but coming across as attacking. 
Has this ever happened to you?  What did you do?

Forgiviness

Sometimes it is so difficult to apologize.  I have a husband and four kiddos and it seems like I am always asking for forgiviness.  I try to be an example for my children and treat them with love and kindness at all times, but sometimes, I mess up.  I don't make excuses for my actions (yelling in anger, or being impatient, or so many other things) I just let them know that I was wrong and ask them to please forgive me.
Now, it's a completely different story when one of my kids has to apologize.  Have you encountered this as a parent?  One child has wronged another and needs to right that wrong.  You let them know that their behaviour was not acceptable/kind/loving...and they need to apologize to the other.  What follows is eye rolling and a mumbled apology.  I don't know what to do to help them understand that having them apologize for a wrong is NOT a form of punishment coming from mom. 
If this is something that happens in your house, what do you do?  I'd love some input here.


Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32

Friends

This morning I had the privilege to talk with a few of my dear friends.  Although there is now physical distance between us, it's nice to know that we are still close.  I love that I am still able to pray for and with them!  Sometimes though, I feel like I could do more.  After talking with these friends, I saw that another friend had a rough weekend.  I wish I would have known and called her.  I could have prayed with her and just let her know that I was there if she needed a friend.  I know that there is nothing that I did or did not do that made her have a rough day, and there was really no way for me to know to even call her.  One thing I do know, God was there with her.  He knew her heart and her struggles that day.  Even though I want to "be there" for all my friends, I know it is humanly IMpossible! Even if I had all the time in the world, I just wouldn't be able to handle it emotionally.  So for that, I am so glad that we have a God who can handle it all!

Alone?

Have you ever had the feeling that whatever you're struggling with, you're doing it alone?  Lately, I've felt like that.  I am struggling with so many things right now, but I feel like I can't share those struggles with anyone.  I need the power of prayer, but feel like I would come across as whining or complaining if I were to share these struggles and prayer requests with anyone.  Actually, I know that I'm not alone in these situations, but maybe it's more that I'm afraid of showing people my true self. 
Since our move to the country, I've felt more alone than I've felt in a long time.  I miss having random, last minute play dates, mom nights out, and work-out/chat sessions with friends.  Not only am I missing friends, my kids are too.  We've been out here for 7 months now, but it feels like so much longer.  When will we feel "settled" and not so alone??