A new year (kinda)

Well, it's February 2015 and I haven't had a blog post in almost a year.  I'm not really a writer (not a good one at least) so sitting down and putting my thoughts into comprehensible words is sometimes difficult for me.  However, there is so much going on in my life and I think it does some good to get those thoughts out of my brain and onto "paper" because I can type a lot faster than I can write, my fingers can keep up with my thoughts :)

Over the course of the past year and a half our family has done a lot of changing!  We moved (again) so now we are closer to our amazing church and closer to Jeremy's work.  We started talking about moving our family globally to follow God's call to missions and not only did we talk and pray about it, we started the application process with SEND International!  Eek!  I only say that because just a few years earlier, we were talking with a young family about their work in missions in Africa and how we admired them and their obedience to God to move their young family around the world.  We never thought that we could do something like that (moving to a different country is one thing, but with young kids - we just didn't think we could do it) NOW, God has called us to do that same thing.  Never say never, huh?  

So, now that we are in this process of talking with SEND and giving them our life history (literally!) I'm feeling more led to get my thoughts un-jumbled and organized into some sort of "journal".  If you happen to be reading this, would you take a few minutes and pray for us?

Pray:
-That we will come closer together as we draw closer to God. 
-For comfort and peace as we may become anxious about this process and the possibility of "rejection"
-We will continue to obey God and his will for our lives
-Opportunities to share our faith, love and testimonies with those around us know (may this be our mission field while we are here; before we go)
-For the people working with us through SEND right now, that God will give them clarity and discernment while they review our applications.

We are truly looking forward to what God has planned during this process - looking forward to what He will be teaching us.  

Personally, I am hoping to write a blog post two to three times each week.  Share a little about our lives and the missionary application process and share my heart and whatever else God leads me to share.

Feel free to keep me accountable and ask for updates ;)

Angry mom

I hope that I'm not the only mom who struggles (almost on a daily basis) with anger, impatience, discouragement and a whole list of other emotions.  Most of these, Satan uses against me.  It's not a sin to be angry (Matthew 21, Mark 11, and John 2 tell about Jesus' anger with the money changers in the temple)  His sin was justified.  His anger was not selfish.  His anger was not about someone, but about actions and the sinful behavior taking place in the temple.
In Ephesians 4:26 God says "In your anger do not sin."  It doesn't say "don't be angry."  But honestly, in my life, anger is a sin.  My anger is mostly directed at someone and normally because something isn't being done the way I think it should be done.  The kids are arguing, toys aren't put away, it's too loud, the laundry NEVER ends (dishes too) my list can go on and on...
Really though, my anger leads to sin.  I scream and yell (A LOT) and most of the punishment is done in anger.
So, today, in an effort to control the way my emotions get out of control and lead to sin, I have taken a "vow of silence".  I will not be speaking today.  God has lead this decision.  It isn't something that I am doing because I'm tired of hearing myself repeat everything.  I've explained this to my kids and they understand (well, the older two do).
My first reflex to yell - it won't happen.  I have to stop myself and think about a different way to respond.  My prayer in all this is that God will reveal himself to me and show me how to ward off evil.  James 1:19-20 "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's (or mom's :)  ) anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."
I want, no, I desire that my kids see Christ's love through me.  I want them to see it, experience it and in turn, spread it.
On a side note, this may help with our sign language.

Finding hope where it seems hopeless

Today I only want to share a blog post I read recently.  It is a blog that touches my heart in an intimate way, only I am still not ready to share my own story.  Feel free to share in the comments if you are led to and know that I would be more than happy to pray for you!

Find the post here  I pray that this might help; whether you are far from healing, on the road to healing, or have long since forgiven your abuser(s) or you have never been in an abusive situation.  And please pass this on to anyone you might know of that it would bless.

"Now I'm so much happier"

"Mama, mama!!  Looks what I found!"  My son came running and yelling to tell me that he had found a toy that has been misplaced for the past week or so.  He was so excited as he exclaimed, "now I'm so much happier!"  For some reason, this tiny little toy, a McDonald's toy no less, brought him complete happiness.
His exclamation got me to thinking what brings me true joy and happiness in life.  What was lost and then found that has brought me joy?  Jesus Christ and the salvation that he gave to me, that brings me true happiness.  Of course the other things in my life that bring me joy: my husband and my kids, my girlfriends, and my music (I love to sit at my piano and just play).
I love that I have these kids in my life to remind me, ultimately, of the gift of Christ on the cross and that I am a child of God! 
My joy is complete in Christ!
John 15:11

Where do you find happiness and joy?

Stick and stones

"Stick and stone may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."  Did you ever say that as a kid?  I'm pretty sure I said it numerous times, probably to try and convince myself it was true.  Truth was though, words did hurt and they still do.  Even if words are said that have absolutely no intention of coming across as mean, sometimes, they still hurt.  For example, I took my kiddos to play at a McDonalds play place over the weekend.  Bubba had to go to the bathroom when we got there and since we were sitting right outside the bathroom doors, I sent him in alone.  It so happened that someone I know was in there and when she came out stopped to say hi.  She said to me "I thought he looked familiar, he's the only kid with the crazy hair."  We talked for a split second and she went back to her table.  Her comment was not meant as a shot at me as a mother and how I don't groom my kids well (at least I truly hope not) but, it did stick with me.  I was self conscious about my kids hair the rest of the day.  Everywhere we went, I stopped and brushed their hair down with my fingers. 
All weekend I asked God to help rid my mind of these thoughts.  I know that what truly matters is the heart; my heart and my kids hearts.  But I know that I'm not the only one who struggles with this.  I also know that I have probably been on the other end - saying something without harmful intention, but coming across as attacking. 
Has this ever happened to you?  What did you do?

Forgiviness

Sometimes it is so difficult to apologize.  I have a husband and four kiddos and it seems like I am always asking for forgiviness.  I try to be an example for my children and treat them with love and kindness at all times, but sometimes, I mess up.  I don't make excuses for my actions (yelling in anger, or being impatient, or so many other things) I just let them know that I was wrong and ask them to please forgive me.
Now, it's a completely different story when one of my kids has to apologize.  Have you encountered this as a parent?  One child has wronged another and needs to right that wrong.  You let them know that their behaviour was not acceptable/kind/loving...and they need to apologize to the other.  What follows is eye rolling and a mumbled apology.  I don't know what to do to help them understand that having them apologize for a wrong is NOT a form of punishment coming from mom. 
If this is something that happens in your house, what do you do?  I'd love some input here.


Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32

Friends

This morning I had the privilege to talk with a few of my dear friends.  Although there is now physical distance between us, it's nice to know that we are still close.  I love that I am still able to pray for and with them!  Sometimes though, I feel like I could do more.  After talking with these friends, I saw that another friend had a rough weekend.  I wish I would have known and called her.  I could have prayed with her and just let her know that I was there if she needed a friend.  I know that there is nothing that I did or did not do that made her have a rough day, and there was really no way for me to know to even call her.  One thing I do know, God was there with her.  He knew her heart and her struggles that day.  Even though I want to "be there" for all my friends, I know it is humanly IMpossible! Even if I had all the time in the world, I just wouldn't be able to handle it emotionally.  So for that, I am so glad that we have a God who can handle it all!